Wednesday, January 14, 2009

First Blog ever

Wow! I've always wanted to blog, and today marks the first time ever!

Ever since I started college, I have been a Big journal writer and have absolutely loved it. So it makes since, that blogging is "write" up my alley, but being concerned with privacy issues I have neglected to start.

E.M. Women is a great site, and I feel this is the most opportune time and place to begin my blogging endeavor.

It perhaps is also the worst time....

It seems that I have either signed up for the worst or best summer of my life.

Perhaps I should not say worst. Let's just say busy. very busy.

I am doing research this summer for my undergraduate final project for the Honor's College. This is a requirement I must meet before I graduate in May and therefore the fact that a professor has given me the opportunity to do research with her is amazing.

Every morning (7 days a week), I am responsible for feeding butterflies and caterpillars. Collecting eggs laid by Butterflies. Collecting plants in a cow pasture. Making sugar water (nectar mimic). Checking for parasites. The list goes on and on.

The even more difficult task is writing the proposal that goes along with the research. Although I am already in full swing of the research project, the proposal must be submitted to the "Donaghey Scholars Policy Board" for approval. I am doing things a little backwards, but considering everything I am sure it will be ok.

I have written 7 drafts so far of the proposal and am still in the process of writing another. Perhaps, my reasoning for starting my blog today is underlying procrastination which leads me to my next topic of discussion: Balance.

Recently, during a worship service activity, I was asked to draw "What God is to me today". I decided to just start drawing and not really "map out" my final picture. The picture ended up being three balls that seemed to be suspended in the air. It looked much like someone was juggling sans the juggler.

My absent-minded drawing actually was both disturbing and insightful. I often feel as though my whole world is spinning out of control. It seems as though if I spend time on one aspect of my life, others tend to fall to the ground in shambles.

I have spent much of my time on my research proposal and research that I have been neglecting church, my family, my health and other aspects of my life.

My professor told me that I must plan my life around my research and not my research around my life. Understandable indeed because this is perhaps the greatest opportunity anyone has ever given to me, but how long must I put my life on hold to complete this project. The summer? a semester? or until the project is completed in May?

I often feel guilty when I do other tasks such as go to church, talk on the phone with a friend or even write this blog. I feel as though if my research is not a part of my every thought, action or word that I will be performing unacceptably.

And as far as the absent juggler goes, I have a few theories about that. I am guilty at many points in my life to exhibit the flight portion of the "flight or fight syndrome". I will often run from my duties rather than face them head on. In my last few years of college, I have come to learn this about myself and have made great strides towards overcoming my constant migration from my fears.

My other theory is that in my constant running I have not succumb to Jesus Christ and allowed him to be the "juggler" of my life. In fact as I said earlier, I tend to put him on the back burner even feeling guilty when I try to spend time "being still", praying and reading my bible.

I know that the time I spent in quiet with Jesus will be my most productive. I pray that I will learn to be still and allow him to take over my juggling.

I am so excited to have begun blogging and I hope to recieve comments from you about my blogs.

Until we meet again,

Alli Marie

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