Friday, January 23, 2009

somedays I hate the Sun.....

a small ray of Sun peeks through under the curtain in my bedroom.  i squint my eyes and peer in the other direction.  the light still permeates to the opposite side of the room in which it enters.  i curse at its brightness.  i curse at it saying "its too bright. my head hurts.".  somedays i hate the Sun.
i stepped out of my house yesterday only to be attacked by a streaming ray of light. it was early. too early.  i tried to escape reality the previous night but as i stepped out of my house it peers down on my like a hammer.  it sends spikes through my eyes forcing them closed. its sends piercing pain from the front to the back of my head.  i have no time to be concerned with the sun so i curse its existence, and carry myself Gracefully down the stairs.  
the Sun still stares at me as i race down the road to make it to work on time.  i feel as though i escape from the Sun for a moment in my windowless office at work.  im handed envelopes to carry to a building across campus.  DAMNIT! the Sun. the Sun.  
it rains down on me showing the holes in my skin. it rains down on me forcing light through me. around me.  under me.  it embraces me entirely.  
leave me alone!! i just want to be alone.
i know what ive down. i know where ive been. You know too. You followed me there.  You held me when i fell to the ground keeping your light piercing. 
You show too much of my weakness. You show too much of my pride.  You are so persistant. so damn persistant. 
why? whats the point? i know You were there before me, after me, and always. i know You were there streaming light all day.  a moon mirror in the night. a beakon. a shiny, peristant, piercing, constant, bright, forceful, beakon.  
i cant run from You. i cant hide from You.  i am forced under Your presence everyday.   my hold world turns black. my body takes on heat.  my heart picks up speed.  my mind races in greek.  my hands turn to clams and my feet to stones.  every mark. every scar lies naked before you.  every joint burning under my skin. every drink solid under my tongue.  my arms are forced outward with the piercing pain of everything  being driven in my hands. the weight of it all is terrifying. trees ache. every hope absences itself from my being. my legs dangle. my feet still made of stone.  screeches nailing through my ears.   the clouds roll in. thunder strikes. lighting streaks. the screams i make can not be heard about the ripping shrouds and falling castles of broken dreams. casts made of broken mirrors given to me by cinderella, Queen of Cheetos, drunken sailors and tired mothers.  i scream and no one hears.  i scream but no one sees.  where did you go? you are absent from my sight, Sun.  You abandoned me, because im naked? Drip. Drop.  the rain hits the marks and scars on my body forcing them open into pools of red beneath my feet.  it falls to the ground and i scream out to those who around. giving for-th to them my last words of hope although most has drained from me. i bow my head towards the ground and the water streams down my hair and my neck to my feet.  my body feels limp.  
I lay motionless on the ground, You are there.  holding Me.  embracing Me. 
Gracefully, I carry Myself back up the stairs.  I look at the sun and realize that you are there. the sun.  it shines bright.  a beakon. a shiny, persistant, piercing, constant, bright, forceful, beakon.  
up and down the stairs i go.  Gracefully. Gracefully.  washed by the rain.  cleansed by the light. 
 covered in the Sun.  embraced by the Sun.  sometimes cursing at the Sun.  always passionately in love with the Sun.  

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